Because You were here...

Dearest Philip,

If you were here, we would be celebrating your second birthday today. I doubt it would be anything fancy, but it would be a celebration nonetheless if you are around.

After 4 kids, no one would ever believe that you were an accident. (Thanks guys 😏) Or at least no one would believe that we didn't try to conceive you. You weren't a gift Mummy was praying for, but it quickly became ironic that you were the gift Mummy prayed very hard to God to not take away. You see, as much as I was not the most enthusiastic person to find out I was pregnant with you, I struggle with the sharp pain of giving you back to God.

It's been two years and while I don't remember much about the day I had you, I realised I don't remember much about you. I was feeling all anxious a few weeks back, because I was afraid that one day you will become a stranger to me. While you are my child, I actually don't know much about you. I don't know what you like or you don't. I don't know what dreams you have or even how you will look when you lose your baby fats. I don't know what your first word would be, what your fashion style is or how even your voice sounds. I realised my child, in many ways, I don't know you. 

I recognise I had many dreams for you. I imagined that you would be a brilliant boy in school and even challenging your brothers academically. I thought you were going to be charming and all the ladies would be swoon by you. You would be like who you were named after, St Philip Neri, who would bring so much joy to the people you would meet. In fact, I always thought that you would be a priest (bishop even!), one who will be able to convince another just by looking at you. You would be such a wonderful gift, but all these my child would be what my plans and hopes for you. And because they are just my desires and plans of you... it really isn't you.

And yet despite not knowing much of you, my heart still aches and yearns for the next time we meet again. I'm sure with all the love and joy you have been getting from God in heaven, that you possibly may not be missing anything here. It's just that selfishly I wish you will not stop remembering who I am, my boy.

People often celebrate birthdays as a highlight of how much they have grown through the year. And as such, I wished my life was just like any other parent, celebrating the milestone of my child and spoiling him rotten with a special cake and presents. But this is not to be. And while you may not be physically with me today, it doesn't mean we would be sulking today. (I really doubt we will have any cake or blow any candles today though 😅)

My dear boy, your life, though short, is worth celebrating and remembering. Not just because we miss you but because we thank God for who you made us become during the short time we had together. Because of you, I have become more careful to reach out to those struggling in pain around me, to cheer them on and to support them when they needed a break. It's also because of you, I have become a better parent and catechist to your siblings in making sure that I don't lose any of them to the ways of the world. But more importantly, it is also because of you, that I was born again to believe that God really loves me. He may have seemed to have ignored me when He chose to bring you home, but truth was He has sent me many more angels to guard my heart so that I would not become cynical of the wonders of life and the excitement each day has for me. 

I have come to realise that unlike other superficial wounds, He may never allow this wound to be fully healed. Not that He was being sadistic just so to cripple me and make me lean on Him, but more importantly to push me forward to know how much more I can do and how much more I need to better live life because of my love for you.

It's been two years my boy, and while it seems this year I started the day (again) in tears, I too look forward to today. Your siblings and us have decided that we will be fasting and abstaining today. Not because we are grieving, but it was with the intention to support and carry another with our prayers and thoughts as our gift to you. (Don't worry, we will reward them to a nice dinner... it's after all your birthday 😅)

Your siblings especially your brothers may need a little help from you to get through the day, judging from the discussion as to what they can eat in school 😅. And while they think chicken should go under the category of fish, I am seriously proud of them too for wanting to do this in honour of you. Can you see what a great priest you would be if Julian, your brother, is willing to forego food for you? 

Happy birthday my dear boy. I know God must be very pleased (and busy answering the prayer intentions we will be offering) with you and your heavenly party would be well taken care of. Maybe if you want, you think you could ask God to draw us a picture of the rainbow in the sky so that we could also be part of your heavenly birthday celebrations too? 

Have a wonderful time in heaven my dear boy. 

I love you my dear, never stopped, never will. 

Eternally yours,

Mummy

Disciplining with Faith

In my social media posts, I tend to pick the happier pictures of the family... because
1. it's social media (and it's 90% fake news or at least it only shows a glimpse of what happens 10% of the day) and
2. who even has the mood to pose and take photos when things are bad *tsk*

One of our favorite activities together

Yet amidst the laughter, we have our struggles with our kids. The toughest part of parenting for me, isn't the pregnancy, recovery and breastfeeding (I speak from experience), sitting down and studying with them (it's still painful though), dealing with their tantrums in public (thank God for thick skin) or even dealing with the different styles of raising your kids with your spouse or in laws (no explanation needed). The worse for me is really when one needs to exert discernment in discipling.

You see, disciplining can result in many things... you can have really great outcomes where they listen to you (and we all live happily ever after), when they don't agree with you and defy you (and you don't know what goes on inside their minds) or when you are not even confident if you did the right thing even. So as you can see the majority of disciplining (for me) ends with something... negative, which means chances are after a disciplining session, I might
(a) lose my temper
(b) end up with at least 1 angry kid
(c) end up in tears at night wondering if I could have done things differently

Yesterday was one of the days when I was tested again. We had pledged $12 to a friend's kid's school fundraising campaign the day before which the mister had passed to Julian to place in the donation envelope, but the parents went home that night and told us that they only had the $2 and according to their daughter, Julz had taken $10 and kept it. Knowing how much he's fascinated by money, it is possible that it happened.

Last night, D was out for class and I was home alone with the kids. I asked Julz about the $10 and he told me that he had given to the girl that day and wasn't sure what happened to it subsequently.  After checking with my other kids, they all said the same version and he didn't play with it later. Since the $10 was missing in my house, it's obvious it had to be somewhere at home. Got everyone to look for it, but it was in vain.

I checked with my friend if his daughter could remember where she might last saw it, but no one could (sign that $10 nowadays isn't a big thing). My dear friends, would you trust your child or would you trust otherwise given the lack of evidence?

I made the painful decision of forfeiting $10 from Julz piggy bank. (Remember, this child of mine loves money). Julian cried, not because I asked him to bring down his piggy bank, but because I scolded him. I know this boy of mine isn't the best behaved kid amongst the 4 but when he is wrongly accused, that's his normal reaction. And my mother's instinct told me that (thankfully) he didn't take the money. But I wanted him to know that he needed to pay the price of not doing his job properly. Julian saves $2 each day because he doesn't believe in spending too much in school and he enjoys seeing his money grow, so $10 was probably a big thing for him. When he took the money out and passed me, my heart ached. I was holding back my tears and tried to look away so he won't see any trace of my eyes being wet.

The apology note he wrote

I explained to him that while it may not have been his fault entirely, it was because of his irresponsibility and oversight that got him into this. I think he understood it and a part of me was glad he could be detached enough to let go of his $10 for this.

We sat down that night and I got him to write a note too to the couple friends, because he was rude to them and since he was receptive, why not?
We ended with a hug and a kiss and said the night prayers with the rest of the other kids.

When the mister got home, he told me he would have waived the $10 but I disagreed. My argument is that, unlike God, we cannot be around all the time to get him out of situations like these. But we did agree to reimburse him on a later date on a separate occasion.

Everything seemed fine, but I went to bed with a heavy heart. If it was the right thing to do, why would my heart feel the ache? Parenting is never for the weak hearted and our views and decisions made can never be perfect, but as a catholic, the only consolation is I can always turn to the Perfect one who probably has tonnes of experience coping with disciplining... from afar.

A priest friend once told me that God has by far the greatest experience of dealing with children who defy and walk away from Him. He has also felt the greatest pain of sending His innocent child to die on the cross for the greatest sinner amongst us... (Think Hitler and whoever). But I suppose I'm luckier than Him since I can physically hug and kiss my child and remind him I still love him and not leave it to "faith".

You may not agree with how I handled it, and I don't claim to be an expert on disciplining kids even though I have 4 (and soon 5).

I shared before in my social media post that one of the blessings of having kids is the fact I'm seen more on bended knees before the cross, became more humble and more human. The best thing I could do last night was to go to bed, and pray that even if I didn't get the gift of wisdom, I hoped that my kids got the gift of understanding...

I hope God answered that. :)

When good kids do bad things...

Taken from instagrammer
@Maybemicha

No matter how hard we try, we can never shield and protect our kids enough. And even if we did succeed at home, that doesn't mean our kids will be in that bubble in school. We just pray and hope that what we have enforced at home is enough to guide them through their choices in school. From deciding on what they eat during breaks, what they spend their school money on and more importantly who they hang out with. (And chances are, as a parent, you might disagree with most of their choices they make... it's normal. :P)

We managed to transfer A to a "better" Catholic school at the beginning of Primary 3. On hindsight, I didn't realise that cliques have been formed since P1, especially in a girls school, and unless my child is a Ms. Popular, breaking into these groups, would be tough. 

She did make friends though, just that the closer ones are probably not the ideal ones, but we thought that as long as she has friends, we really should just close an eye on it. Unfortunately, halfway through the year, we got a call from her teacher saying that A was called into the principal's office because of her friend's mischief... and A had become an accomplice.

We never believed in using the cane in our household, but of course that day, the mister was very tempted to use it. I was shocked and besides getting upset with A for this, was even more disappointed that I was really nothing but a lousy mummy.

What had gone wrong? D and I have a great marriage, so it can't be the kids are insecure that their family will break up. We are not rich but we are not depriving them of any opportunities, so they won't be left out. We have our family time, and I do spend every afternoon preparing their meals and revising their work. But when something had happened, no matter what the parents had done, it is just... not enough. (and yes.... even good kids can do bad things too)

We did talk to her about her choices and our thoughts on it. She seemed to get it and we left it as that.

Unfortunately, A came home using vulgarities one day. It started with "What the..."(of which we would always tell her to mind her language) but very soon that became "F^&K". (Great... how did my baby grow into a teenager within nine months)

Truth be told, in many of my crossroads in parenting, I usually turn to google first for answers. "How to discipline my child for vulgarities" or "My ten-year old is swearing... help". I did find comfort that I'm not the only parent having this issue (yay????) but the unfortunate thing is most do not have an 'answer' or solution for you. (Some even tell you that since you can't help it, why not swear in front of them too? Like... seriously?)

Both D and I were stumped. We tried taking turns to talk to her, we tried taking away "privileges" and I even had to explain to her what the word was about. Still, not long after, she progressed to showing her middle finger. (Kill me now...) All these time, praying to God to help me through this amongst the other hurdles of motherhood.

The message advert I got!

Finally, I think God pitied me and I received an sms from a mummy whose boy was in the same kindergarten as A. It was about a programme for girls who are aged 9-12 to meet once a week for an activity either like craft, culinary, sport or even community projects to the old folks home. It was initiated some time ago by a group of mothers who thought that they had wanted to come together with activities that could focus on virtues and values rather than societal norms. (God bless these mothers) They have one for older girls and another programme for boys only. If you are a catholic, you would be happy to know that every two weeks, a priest will be there to hear confession. 

IF you know me, I am one who plans the kids activities due to convenience and this was really out of my comfort zone since it's near Pasir Panjang, where NUS is. But because I really thought this may be good for A, I decided to go for this. 

I dropped her a few weeks back for the first session and stayed outside with some parents for some impromptu fellowship. When the session was over,  I was curious to find out how she found it. She actually loved it and didn't mind to go more! (In case you are wondering it's $10/session or $150/half a year just to cover cost). I personally felt that was my best find of the year, and I was really grateful that after praying for so long, I managed to find some sort of relief and answer.

The upcoming activity they will be doing! 

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that this programme is the solution. A's behaviour is an ongoing test on my patience and possibly my reason to why I may go to heaven, but in the midst of my struggles and helplessness, God never left me, He just waited for me to be less anxious and humbler in my invitation to ask Him what to do.

So now, if you asked me, as a parent, what do we do when our kids keep doing something bad. Again, my answer isn't perfect but if there's one thing I have learnt is that during those months of us trying to discipline her for her "shortfalls", I only highlighted the negatives. Truth be told, any kid with some form of intellect, would know what is right and what is wrong. So me emphasising that is really pointless, though we do maintain that one of the rules in the house is no vulgarities.
However, on hindsight, I realised that instead of breathing down her neck on how she should behave, what values she was lacking on, 'punishing and disciplining' her on her misbehaviour, a better way was to highlight OTHER possibilities of how girls can behave well, how other people interact, what girls her age can do, how girls can carry themselves and possibly what kind of friends she could find.

This entry may also not be the solution you as a parent are looking for, but I hope you realise.. the secret ingredient in whatever solution you have is love... :) 

In my time, Mummy

Kids grow up so fast they say. (It doesn't feel that way when they misbehave or they wake you up in the middle of the night.. somehow you wish they grow up faster) But when all is calm and when you start to think back through the years, somehow, they are right. 

Isaac's graduation class photo

Even though Isaac is only six… but within that time, he's gone from crawling to running, babbling to reading and just last week, he's graduated from his kindergarten. (Yay to cheaper school fees but OMG to he's going Primary School???) 

I remembered just March last year, I actually broke down halfway through dinner with D as I felt Isaac was struggling with his learning. (In case you missed the posting, you can read it again here: http://chellelifestory.blogspot.sg/2015/03/when-tiger-mum-learns-to-just-be-mum.html) 

I was worried that he will not be able to cope in school, that he might be left behind and that he won't be able to succeed in future. (Though at that time I didn't have a benchmark or an idea as to what success would mean for a kid…) BUT because he could not remember  what was taught 5 seconds ago, or he could not recognize his alphabets then, I freaked out. It didn't help in my paranoia that at that time other kids around his age were doing much better and some friends suggested that he might need medical intervention. 

I remembered feeling helpless and just breaking down in front of D thinking that just because Isaac might not succeed, I had failed. (Mothers can be so hard on themselves)

I mean, besides smiling and charming people around him, he couldn't read and didn't talk much, besides knowing how many robots there are in transformers, he  didn't have any number sense and could not do simple addition. In short, even as a mother, I saw what he couldn't do more than celebrated what he could do. 

And while people with good intentions will tell you that exams are overrated and there's more to life than school exams, no one would be able to feel the anxiety more than the parents. (Because hello, most professionals come from the same few leading schools) At some point, I got frustrated with myself. On one hand, I really wanted them to enjoy their childhood, but on the other hand, I can't help but compare with their peers on where they stand. I found I was struggling because I didn't know what I actually valued in parenting. 

At least in Singapore, the hallmarks of the child's life are punctuated with the different exam points in their school life. The highlight for a 10 year old is the streaming exams, for a 12 year old the PSLE, the 14 year old the selection process of subjects for O levels, the 16 year old the O levels, the 18 year old the A levels etc. And so, for parents somehow, we use this benchmark to decide how we have also fared in parenthood. If the kids achieve good results, it would indirectly translate that we have done well in our parenting styles, at least in the eyes of many others.

But I personally have never been really successful in the education system. I mean, sure I didn't fall through the cracks of the system, but I didn't achieve top scores. Not many people know this but I actually got D7 for my GP in my AO levels. SO yes… I didn't have a full A levels certificate and if you did get it, you are already one up above me.

Image from auto.howstuffworks.com

But only when we take a step back, we also know that exams results don't guarantee health, happiness and love. I remembered a few months ago, Isaac read out a bible passage on the screen and I was pleasantly surprised. Even if the words weren't difficult, I cheered because he could read. There were times when he surprised me too with his logic. Like recently, while D was driving, he asked D if he could drive faster. "How much faster?" D asked. Isaac took a look at the speedometer and said "220km/hr." D laughed and explained that's not possible. "Of course it's possible papa, if not why would they put it there?" Isaac innocently asked. 

Moments when he looked out for his younger siblings or when he so willingly give up his things for them warms my heart more than what he got for his spelling tests.

I asked D what he thought success was and he told me that the moment when he can do something without worrying what other people thought of him would be the time when he is successful. (Wherever does he get his wisdom from???) I agree.

I still find myself struggling and on that account, Isaac has done way better than me. Of course he loves to be praised and complimented, but even if it looks silly, he is far more courageous to try it than me, or my 'smarter' kids.

Such things may not be recognized in a school test, but he will be fine in life. And I should learn to be too. 

Growing as a Parent

Heaven is a place called home.. (image from
www.billingualmonkeys.com)

Every time when I meet with friends, they are all amazed that I am surviving with four kids. I don't regret having them and I always tell my friends that until you have them, you will truly understand the immense joy they bring. Truth be told, even with four kids, I still get tested, feel helpless, and yes, motherhood makes me feel lousy at times.

Just a couple of months back, while playing with each other, Audrey kicked Julian in the balls. Julian's privates swelled up a great deal and he was crying and screaming. I spent the next few hours bringing him around the clinics to make sure all is good. (As a general rule, apparently as long as it isn't painful when you press and peeing isn't a problem, it should be okay)

I took Audrey and Julian out from school the next day and wanted them spend some time together and hopefully maybe talk to them about being nicer to each other. I planned for Slappy Pancakes that morning and thought the kids would have enjoyed themselves making breakfast together.
However, I should have known, there's no such thing as "go as planned" with kids. Before we could leave the house, the two argued because one didn't share a piece of paper with the other.

Throughout the whole journey there, I had to spend the time discussing with them about their actions. While Audrey was okay, it didn't sit well with Julian. When we got out of the car, Julian was throwing a tantrum. He was screaming and shouting and didn't want to join us at the table. He wanted us to leave. Fortunately, that day I was given enough grace to be cool about it and sat at the table with Audrey ordering our ingredients. Julian was still sulking at the corner and once in a while, he would be shouting things like "I don't like mummy anymore", or "Mummy is stupid" (Honestly, if he was not my kid, I would have smacked him upside down) Through it all, I would invite him still to come and join us when he is ready, however he still chose not to. (I should be given sainthood for this)

Sitting and sulking in a corner...

And because there was no reaction from me, at one point, Julian took out his slippers and threw at me. We had a table beside us, and the little girl told her mummy, "mummy, he actually threw his slippers at them" Honestly, if I was there alone with him, I would have left the restaurant half way and we would have been on the way home. However, I saw my first born enjoying herself and I felt it was not fair to deprive her of such joy because of him and chose to focus on her and pretended to enjoy myself.
Deep down I was dreading each minute. I felt embarrassed and thought in the eyes of the others, I must have been the world's greatest failure. I would have cried but I knew I couldn't.

After awhile, Julian finally either got hungry or got tired and asked me to go to the corner to bring him to the table. (Finally, God took pity on me) When I started to talk to him about his behavior, he clamped up and refused to listen to me. Finally, I admitted to him that I was feeling hurt by his actions. With that, it suddenly sounded foreign to him and he seemed to realize something.

Pancakes have never
tasted so sweet..

My mother's instinct told me that what was said was enough and we just continued making the pancakes. I thought that the initial lesson of teaching them to be more loving towards each other isn't going to happen today especially when we just ended a trying session. I left the table to get some water and when I returned I was amazed that my daughter was feeding Julian pancakes. They were laughing and they just enjoyed the moment. And for that moment, they were loving.

On hindsight, if I had acted on my emotions and left the restaurant, I would probably have robbed them this chance of enjoying each other's company. In fact, a little part of me was proud that I didn't react to the situation but responded putting my daughter's needs above mine.

If sadness was created for humans to appreciate and understand what joy is, then trials in parenthood are invented for one to appreciate the immense joys it brings. Everyday has its own set of lessons waiting for us to grow as a family… all I know is, I only fail when I stop trying. And if you love your kids, you are ready for the challenge. :) Share with me what lessons you learn from parenthood!!! Otherwise… if you are reading this… You will be fine! :D

The Greatest Lesson from the Littlest One...

SO since August 10, I officially am a mother of 4. After Kyra was born, I either got too busy or too lazy. I had many moments that I thought I should write about, but when I got down to it, I forgot what the moments were. (Parenthood ages a person really fast)

Precious moments with Kyra

Doing this for the fourth time, I always thought that I know what to do and would have everything under control. I did… until Kyra came out. 

One moment I would worry about Kyra pooping too much (She was pooping almost after every other meal), the next I would wonder if it was normal she didn't poop even after two days (Apparently it's normal even for 10 days). 

I had a newfound friend during that period - Google/Wikipedia. Whatever I wasn't sure about, Google seem to have the answers. (To be fair, it works better than a confinement nanny since you really don't need to talk when you don't feel like)

And while I learned a lot from Google, the most significant lesson I had learnt during these 2 months, came from the littlest one.

It's amazing how God has engineered mummies (esp) to fall in love with their child even if it's not reciprocated at day one. Whatever the child does (or doesn't need to do), the parents will acknowledge with pride. (Like honestly what can a newborn do when he/she sleeps 20hours a day?) Baby's farts smell good, poop looks good and one can even laugh when baby throws up milk on you. (Yes. Love is that blind)

Every smile or cooing made by her would always be received by a smiling, encouraging parent (aka me). She probably didn't understand or know what the big deal was, but I'm sure it made her feel happy and secure too.
It reminded me of the times when Audrey took her first step or called me mama or correctly pointed out the colors in the book when I named them. I was beaming with pride and was very generous with kinder words.

And as I look back at those moments I have with the older three, I wonder, at what age were they at when I changed from being that encouraging parent to the critical one.
Growing up in a world that can be unforgiving, I always thought that if I'm not demanding, my kids will become spoilt and be complacent.

But maybe when God gave me a baby, He also planned to teach me that while parents may mean the world to the children, it doesn't mean that we need to be as unforgiving as the one which society has become. It is never easy, but Kyra has reminded me that it really doesn't hurt to encourage with patience and correct with love.

That's Good… Enough.

When I tell people that I have four kids, one of the most common response I get is "You must really like kids". I do like them… but mostly when they sleep or when they are in my mind…

Before you judge, let me intro you my kids with the picture below...

Image taken from pinterest

It's not surprising when they become monsters (and I mean literally) these are the top phrases I use almost everyday:
1) Stop it!
2) What did I say?
3) Why did you do that?
4) What are you doing?
(And the classic…)
5) 1… 2… 3…

If words can't get to them, my hand will. Then… there's peace again. (even if it's only for 5 minutes)

Motherhood is probably the most amazing experience ever, but it may not be enjoyable. (p.s. He/she who said it was, is lying)
Try enjoying it when you are sound asleep at 3 a.m. and your child wakes you up for milk or kicks you in the face because both of you are sleeping on the same bed.
Or when you are out in public, and your kid misbehaves and later wails and throws a tantrum.. That's not fun either.
When you bring them out for dinner, and either you or your spouse take turns to eat (when they are younger) or you have to feed them first (oh they eat sososo slowly…) and after which you have to gobble down yours because they become restless waiting for you.
When you tell them to do something and they don't do it and even (dare to) say no. (Hello it's not even a choice!! What you mean "No"?!?!) Trust me, for a control freak, this is painful.
Worse when some "know-it-all" comes along and tells you what you do isn't right, it can be demoralizing. (Like thanks ah)

Honestly, I suspect God created motherhood to give women a greater chance to enter heaven, especially after what Eve did to Adam. (Picture taken from christianfunnypictures.com)

At times, I wonder what is it that I am not doing it right when I read other mummy blogs or mummy posts on FB and see my friends enjoying motherhood and their children while I find myself struggling with it. (And I do feel guilty about not enjoying it)
It doesn't help that we get constant reminders that their time with us is limited since they grow up so fast. (Before I know it, I'll probably be a grandma..)

Judging at how many times I have to discipline them when they don't share and fight with each other (it's a lot… in a day) and the things we get to do together (It's limited, and I suspect I'm going to raise boring kids)… I don't see how I am getting this right. Maybe because they are older now and can do more things (which most likely are the wrong ones), most time spent with them would be to discipline and to correct their actions. I don't know if it is because of what they did that made me more irritable, but I just can't seem to find how people can have fun being a mother. (I know.. I have 4 kids… we are screwed)

Fortunately, there's such a thing as divine intervention. (Thank God for.. God!)
During the meet the parents session in the boys' school, the teachers commended Julian for being patient and always waiting for his friends before embarking on an activity. And for Isaac, he is always that caring brother who looks out for Julian in school, making sure he is comfortable in the new environment. (They should just stay in school the whole day I say…)

In the midst of the mistakes and struggles, something right happen.
And as I sit down that day for my daily reflection, I came to realize that maybe I was trying to be a mummy that was wayyyy too perfect. I was trying to be that laughing parent we see in ads and dramas. Not that I never laugh in my journey as a mother, but truth be told, it's probably not something that happens everyday.

Maybe I will never be that fun parent when compared to other mummies. To be honest, I won't bother with inconveniencing myself to bring them all over the island for enrichment programs. I mean I struggle to plan where to bring my kids during the holidays even!
But I do know that when my child needs me, I will still drop everything and be with him/her immediately.
Or after a disciplining session, I will be the first to offer them a hug and kiss to remind them that I still love them, just not the act.

I am a believer that God gives us the type of children who are best for us. Different mummies will have different journeys with their own kids, and even if we make a mistake, the fact that we are trying day after day… trust me, that's good… enough. :)

When You Laughed.. Because of your child.

Compared to many of the mummies I see, I'm possibly one of the laziest mothers who doesn't bother with the child's milestones. (I do remember when they are born though!)

Okay but ask me when they took their first steps, what their first words were, when their first tooth came out etc, I have absolutely no idea. We also hardly take photos of them (so their future wedding montage, if it's still an in-thing, would have to be animated) or with them… I don't know if my excuse is because I'm too busy or tired… Or if I have always thought that there will be the next time.. Or I will remember… 

Well, I don't… and I didn't… (So if you are one of those like me… You won't too!) 

I did wish I could turn back time… And I did get curious as to what other mothers would wish for… And… Hmm… My heart just broke reading what people googled on….

At this point friends, please pray for mothers going through times like these…..

Mother's regret is always something that bugged me. I do have mine too.. Like last year, Audrey was still rude to my mum (after many times of talking about it with her), I got really upset and I slapped her (on her face…). I am very strict with my kids, but honestly, as far as possible, I don't resort to slapping or caning. I regretted that while I taught her patience, I didn't practice that with her. And to be fair I was more upset of the loss of face of her being rude than just her being rude.

After that, fortunately, D stepped in and spent one on one time with her while I went for a friend's wedding. I did feel bad and fortunately kids have the most amazing ability to forgive (okay but that doesn't mean I would encourage anyone to abuse it) and with a hug and a kiss, all was made up.

Yet, I realized missing milestones aren't the biggest regret I had. Missing the everyday moments is. So my question and challenge to parents.. Do you remember when was the last time your child made you laugh? Was it today? Was it yesterday or was it last week? 

I'm the disciplinarian in the house, and when my kids behave badly, it will be very much highlighted in my radar. I decided a few days back, instead of focusing on things that the kids did wrong, I should look at the times of the day when they got it right or at least when they didn't mean to do wrong. (I'm VERY sure there are more right things than wrong)

Like yesterday, I was at Watson's with Julian. A male-looking woman came and help me to look out for some products. After she finished, Julian asked what did the "uncle" say to me. (she was still beside me…) I almost fainted from embarrassment and I whispered to him it's an auntie. He took a double look and said "No mummy, I meant the uncle" (this time in a whisper) I laughed. Not sure whether it was because at him being confused or him just following my cue of whispering (in hope that the lady didn't hear) 

So I laughed. And yesterday I laughed more than once (Like when he called his playmate Gloria, Gorilla). It wasn't one of those days that I had tasted success in anything in their milestones.. but it was one of the days that it doesn't matter… and it shouldn't for most days.

Normally when in the car or at dinners, I would be busy fiddling my phone (darn technology), checking out Facebook (darn technology) or just google on anything interesting (darn technology). When the kids get too noisy or start to say things that didn't make sense, I would then shush them up.

For the past few days however, I made the conscious effort to listen to their conversations… Not that it made more sense now, but I know one day, these nonsense will stop and if I don't focus on them, their conversations with me would just answered with the word(s) like "ok", "Ya" or "Don't know".

Dinner times, I would switch it to silent mode and put it in the bag and just focusing on eating as a family with them. The other day, we let the kids try wasabi (just a little bit) and their expressions were hilarious! 

Yesterday, I put away my phone when we drove off for dinner, and turned around to check on the kids. Audrey's smile caught my attention. She smiled so beautifully… and I'm glad I wasn't on the phone, because I would have missed that image. 

Regrets isn't God's way to make you feel guilty. It's His reminder that you can do things better. :) 

When the "Tiger Mum" Learns to just be a Mum...

This week has been declared as the mourning period for LKY's death. Throughout the week, videos have provided insights  to what his family is like. (I've learnt many things watching the videos like what's "aplomb" and "jaunty" which I bet not many know either.) One of the things I am very amazed at is how his parents as well as he and his wife were able to somehow groom each child into a maverick. (How come they never write a book on that as well????)

If you have been reading my blog, you will realize that Audrey is quite an independent learner. No doubt, her academic is not my major concern as she gets her concepts fast and I find that my role when teaching her is to make sure she doesn't become complacent or arrogant. I can be harsh with her when needed and push her when she is taking things too easy. In short, she's an "angel" baby when it comes to studies.

He finally got "Ge" right after reading it
as "Yi Ren" for so many times

Isaac is her exact opposite. Don't get me wrong, it's not because he has bad attitude. (In fact, he doesn't understand why people even need to study.) Yet, when you asks him to sit beside you during revision time, he does so happily and with so much enthusiasm.
Unfortunately, Isaac is what society deems as a slow learner.

Yesterday, Audrey had netball in school and I took some time to go through his work with him. There's no denying that Isaac has been lagging severely in his studies. If there were 4 points in the instructions, he probably remembers the last and maybe the first, but he will not be able to digest everything. I can go through a new word with him 5 times, and when we revisit it 5 minutes later, he won't be able to remember what the word is. (Guess we need to revise it 10 times now…)

After sitting with him for just 40 min to do 6 pages, I decided I needed a break. I realized that if I

Two of the pages we attempted
yesterday...

continued, I may actually start to raise my voice and get impatient. I applaud him for his perseverance and told him that he was free to play his toys.

That night, the Mr and I had our own dinner. Because of what happened in the afternoon, halfway through our dinner, I broke down and cried. (The Mr obviously got uncomfortable this time… imagine you are in a restaurant, and you see a woman crying while having dinner with a partner… you will be thinking.. Confirm quarrel)

D asked what happened. I said that I felt bad because I didn't know how to help Isaac. What's worse, I fear that Isaac wouldn't be able to cope in such a system as ours. I shared that how for the next few years when he gets formal education, he's just going to fall through the cracks and suffer.. (Okay, i'm exaggerating a little here…)

D smiled, and asked me when I see Isaac, what do I see.
Amongst the three, he is my most well-behaved child. He is the kindest and gentlest. Surprisingly, while he's not the oldest, he always looks out for his siblings. Like when he and julian wake up from their nap, he will take on the responsibility of changing Julian (and him) out of pampers and help him with his underwear and shorts, before switching off the fan/air-con and bringing him down. (No one told him to do so…)
He is the most giving. Sometimes, we leave our stuff upstairs in our room, and when we asked him to help us to bring it down, even if he was in the middle of something, he has no hesitation doing it for us. (Though he will ask sheepishly why are we so lazy)
He's also the most charming amongst the three. I remember we were in a birthday party when two girls were fighting to play with him. One even cried when the other girl managed to hold his arm. (That was awkward… to see your son being so "hot")

But yes, that is Isaac - the happy-go-lucky, innocent, child-like kid.
If not by me, if not once, academics can always be taught. But these virtues… it's a gift. How do you teach a 5 year old to be charming, to be giving and to be kind?
The toughest part was to accept that the world/system might be unkind to him… of course, I could be the system and force him to adapt in it… but he won't be happy and what good will come out of it?
On the other hand, I could just congratulate for remembering that word we tried to learn for the past 30 min.. and know that he is happy, secure and enjoy life.

He's my child. And I his mother.  And while it is tough for me to not be sucked into the system, my promise to him is that he matters more to me than that. I have to remember that he is here to live God's plan, not mine.
Will he be successful? I don't know. Will he be loved? I am sure. :)

How do you discipline your kids?

We were having dinner with some of our friends and the topic of the disciplining of children came up. Some talked about spanking, while others talked about reasoning. Regardless, chances are there will be ONE parent who does the disciplining while the other uses that parent as a threat.

D is the fun-loving parent. He has the patience to play with them, to reason with them and to just have fun with them. The kids adore him and will choose to play with him over me ANY time.

But just because he plays with them doesn't mean that the kids listen to him when it is time for disciplining. Hence D's favorite line "I tell Mummy.." (In fact, that's everyone's favorite line)

D and I (mainly I) tried many ways of disciplining… From spanking to reward charts to reasoning to the ever famous naughty corners. There were a few times each worked, but there were times when the methods fell flat. 

Of course, when Audrey was in Cherrybrook Kindergarten, the tutor taught us some methods that we actually found more effective than others! So here's a write up on the reviews of the methods we tried:

1) Naughty Corner

D and I started the naughty corner with Audrey. Audrey knew how to count and initially when we started this, we would get Audrey to go to a corner and count to 10 before coming back.

M: Go to that corner and count to 10

(After Audrey finishes her counting, she comes back)

M: Are you ready to behave?

A: No

M: Okay fine. Go back there and count to 20

(Happily walks to a corner and counts. After so, she comes back and reports)

M: Are you ready to behave?

A: Yes

M: Are you now willing to listen to mummy and sit still? 

A: Yes (And she gives you the biggest smile ever and is more receptive on being disciplined)

The ever famous spot in our house...

You can say that it was easy but to even put her in the spot initially was hell… in fact, it was really painful to get all 3 of them to stay at the spot at first. You put them there, they move and run away from the corner. I lost count of how many times we had to carry them back to the spot. But they get the idea at one point. They can't win the parent (mummy in this case) and after a while, they just stay there until they have cooled down. 

The naughty corner works best when our kids throw a tantrum. (Do note that if they are tired, this is probably one method which will drain you out most. At such times, I hardly use this method or if I do, it will be for short periods) It makes them cool down and lets them realize that their tantrums won't get them anywhere.

2) Spanking 

All our kids have been spanked. But we draw the line on using the cane. While we both got caned by our parents and we are fine, D isn't comfortable with that. He believes that there are better methods than that. I listened to his stand and respected it. (He's their father regardless) We didn't know how we will discipline the kids subsequently, but we tried not to consider caning as an option.

However, we still spank them regardless. We do so mainly when they are stubborn or when they are disrespectful. 

3) Reward Chart

The ever popular stickers used...

We tried once… and only once. (and we didn't even finish it) To be fair, as much as it catches everyone's interest at first, sustaining it is another matter all together. That's our problem. It was hard work to keep track of their good behavior and giving them stickers for it everyday. 

But we also felt at one point, they were only behaving because they want to rewarded, not because they learnt the better thing to do.

What's worse is that this system depends heavily on their moods. If they felt like it, they behave and asked for their stickers, if they didn't, they still went back their old ways. Also, Audrey being the competitive one, always tried to have more stars on her chart than Isaac. After a while, D and I thought it wasn't exactly one of the best system and we discontinued it.

4) Asking "What" questions 

It is common that we always ask the children "Why", like "Why aren't you sharing your toys?" or "Why didn't you behave yourself".. etc. Audrey's tutor in Cherrybrooks taught us that asking why questions usually create a stumbling block. The children at one point, may not understand why they did so, and another they aren't sure what answer the adult is trying to get so that they will not be in trouble.

So we ask "What" questions instead.

Isaac was sitting on the sofa with his legs stretched out. Audrey wanted to sit at the edge of the sofa, however, Isaac was insistent not to let her do so, despite her asking nicely.

M: Isaac, can you move your legs and let her sit on the sofa?

I: No

M: What is stopping you from moving your legs?

I: (thought for a while) Nothing..

M: If nothing is stopping you, can you let her sit?

I: No

M: Okay. Is there anything I can do to help that?

I: No.

M: So is anything stopping you to move your legs again?

I: No

M: Can you now move your legs and let her sit?

I: Okay. 

Apparently, "What" questions make it less threatening. You may want to consider using that, this is one of the highly recommended methods!

5) Focus on what virtue can be practiced

A list of virtues that the school focuses on...

One of the reasons why I like Cherrybrook Kindergarten is their emphasis on virtues. Like some afternoons when Audrey sits and does her revision work with me, she does have her moments of procrastinating and gets distracted.

A: Mummy, I don't want to do already

M: Audrey, you are almost done. You just have half a page left. Can you practice some perseverance and self-discipline and finish it? After which, you can take a short break.

A: (thought for a while) okay…

So instead of saying to your child, "Don't be shy.", another way is to say "Let's practice the virtue of courage and friendliness and make some friends". My kids still need some encouragement here and there, but with consistency, they are getting there. Saying things like "Shy" or "Lazy" just highlights and gives them the reason to continue behaving the way they were, there was nothing (positive) for them to work on.

Whatever methods I use, I always end the discipline session with a hug and a kiss, reminding them that I love them a lot.

Discipling is a pain, but lack of discipline is worse. Do you have any methods that you use and don't mind sharing? Hope to hear stories from you too! 

Why can't you say "Sorry"?

D and I are blessed to have 3 (and counting) kids. As much as we teach them things to cope in life, it is also through them that we learn things that no one else could have taught us. The best thing about having 3 kids is with them comes different lessons, or at least same lesson, different times.

Yesterday was one such time. Audrey was playing chess with Grandpa and Julian was sitting quietly beside them. After a while, he must have felt bored and started to kick Audrey's water bottle. Grandpa saw it and told him that what he did wasn't nice and told him to apologize to Audrey. Julian refused. Grandpa, on the other hand, kept telling him (nicely) that he should since that was neither respecting his sister's things nor his sister. Julian kept quiet.

Audrey sensing that it's not getting anywhere (and didn't want the game to be interrupted) told grandpa "never mind, grandpa, no need. Now your turn to move." Grandpa tried a little while but because Audrey kept insisting, he let it go. Julian of course got away happily. I witnessed the whole episode and  had a conversation with him:

M: Julian, what is stopping you from saying sorry?

J: (thought for awhile) nothing

M: Okay, then can you say sorry to jie jie now?

J: No

M: Why not?

J: Because Jie Jie said no need

(Am I always stuck with smart alecs???)

Congratulations to me again! I got another kid who is allergic to the word Sorry. (Is it just me????) I remembered when Audrey was about 2, she was very rude to the helper then. I told her to apologize to the helper. She refused. I brought her into my room, closed the door, and talked to her. She stood her ground. She was not going to apologize. Unfortunately for her, I didn't budge either. (And please… she was not that calm… all these while, she was crying and throwing her tantrums) One hour passed, nothing. Two hours gone, still nothing. We were in the room for three hours! I was doing my work and she was sitting in one corner. I told her only when she is ready to talk, she can then come to me. Finally she gave up. After three hours (THANK YOU GOD!!!), she came over, and said that she wanted to talk. I asked her if she knew what she did was not nice. She said yes. Then I asked her if she could apologize to the helper. She said ok. (Why couldn't she say so earlier???) Since then, she had no problems saying sorry. (Suddenly, the three hours was worth it… )

With Isaac, God gave me a break. (How kind..) He was a sensitive and easy child. When he hurts someone, or does wrong to another, he would say sorry. (If your child is like this… YOU ARE DAMN LUCKY!) 

So here comes Julian. Is there a better way to teach him to apologize or should I just stick to what I did with Audrey? I know I may not have the best methods so I googled for answers. It's interesting that now most studies say that parents should not get their children to say sorry because chances are they don't mean it and say it just to appease the parents. By doing so, the children would learn to only say "insincere" apologies. (I obviously am not convinced by it, but since I'm always the harsher one, I decided to discuss with the Mr on it)

D didn't buy the arguments for it. In fact, he thinks we should get the child to say sorry regardless. I asked what about the insincere apology bit. He said, ever since when apologies are sincere. (Suddenly I am not so sure about the times when he said sorry to me…) In fact if anything, it teaches the child humility and authority. 

I reflected on what he said. Does everyone mean their apologies as adults? (Of course the argument is, because from young they learn "insincere apologies" now it will be insincere) 

Many times, people say sorry… and with their apologies, come with the word "but". I don't know if it's just me, but to me, when someone says "Sorry… , But…" it means they are not sorry. It's like saying my act was justified, so I still don't think I had wronged you. (What's your style of apologizing like? Whether it's to your spouse or whoever.. :)) 

D and I, well, we don't say sorry to each other if we cannot see how our act is wrong. But not seeing that the act is wrong is different from not seeing that the other person is hurt from the act. We learn from  Engaged Encounter to instead of saying sorry to each other, we ask for forgiveness instead. (Not easy ok… saying sorry is telling the person to accept it in his/her time, whether they like it or not. Asking for forgiveness is on the other hand saying that while my act could be right, it was not enough to make you feel bad.) Will talk more about it next time… :)

Insincere apologies aside, I need to also recognize and consider what my child is like. Audrey and Julian are children with a lot of ego and pride. (Wonder who they got that from…) They may recognize that their act was mean, but that's the most they will do. They will not apologize unless someone insists on that. Isaac on the other hand, is very loving and aware of that and he feels uncomfortable to see another person hurt because of him. (How come so different???) 

For my egoistic kids, I don't tell them to say sorry simply because of their act. I insist that they sorry because life doesn't revolve around them. They may not like what they do, but they need to do it still. Maybe for the first few times they will be resentful. But considering everything, if i let it go, they may never learn to be humble especially in front of people who matter most to them. From there would the lesson of remorse be learnt. (And please… They KNOW at 2 years old, their act is not nice and can hurt people… so before saying that they are still young and not know anything… They are that manipulative….)

For my sensitive child, I recognize that also for him, saying sorry could easily just be feeding another's ego. We also have to make sure that Isaac doesn't say it too often, that he gives in to everything and not have a stand. 

SO back to Julian. Would I dread spending Xhrs in a room with him until he recognizes he needs to apologize? OF COURSE. But until I can come up with an easier way, I still need him to learn the lesson of humility. The only thing i can assure him is I will go through the lesson with him… :)

But through it all, believe me, they are truly blessings. So thank you God, for blessing me with them. :)

 

Everyone's Favourite Topic - Eggs (An update on Math entry)

So just a few days ago, I blogged on the humbling lesson I'd learnt from my daughter's Math paper. (in case you didn't get to read it.. here's it… http://chellelifestory.blogspot.sg/2015/03/when-math-question-teaches-you-lesson.html)

When I started this blog (a week back), it had only a couple hundreds of views… but because of that entry, it became 6000+ (that post alone garnered 5100 views as of today). In another words it became viral. (Oh no… what have I done…) 

Because I posted it on Facebook, I had friends liking the post, commented on it and 2 (officially) shared it. But from there… somehow, it became 5000+ views from Singapore, 169 views from USA, 147 views from UK… the list goes on. (And as I write, the numbers are still increasing… like… how come people don't sleep one?)
I had friends who also privately messaged me and told me not to stop blogging and how much they enjoyed reading my blog (I was humbled… not as much as by the math question… but nonetheless still humbled) And because of that post, naturally they went on to read the next post on the outing to ECP… which is just a normal post that talked about mundane stuff. (now that was funny) Essentially they wanted to know, what did the school say (coming coming..)

From my Facebook page, I had many teacher friends who think that Audrey should not have been penalized. In fact, like me, they were pretty impressed by how orthodox her logic was… (okay because i didn't think that way… maybe that gene came from the dad) So to those who think the education system is hopeless, we got warriors in it who are trying very hard to prove otherwise. 

There were people who also commented that the answer should be 7. Their reason - whether it's broken or not, it's still an egg. (They are not wrong, but reading that made me want to slap them… only because they are my friends) True that, but we are not in a philosophy class.. so whether the glass is half full or half empty is really not the issue right now. 

There were also some who felt that because this is P1 Term 1's work and obviously, the children has been taught that whenever you see the term "left", the way to solve it is to use the subtraction method, hence if the student did not achieve the answer using that solution, the objective is not met and she should not be getting the score.

And that actually is the school's stand.

The teacher called me yesterday and in short, this is what she said:

1) Firstly, she really didn't see how Audrey got it at first and was quite surprised a child had interpret it this way

2) This was done in class and the students were taught that whenever they see "left", at this point, they should take the whole and take away a part of it.

3) The students are not expected to read word equations now, hence they had to minimize the words used and rely heavily on the diagram.

4) The question (while many argue is poorly set) is actually modified from their workbook (uh oh…. i hope now there won't be 4000+ people flipping through the P1 Math workbook and finding fault with it)

5) As a level they somehow agreed that because Audrey didn't meet their objective of the test, she can't be awarded the mark…

6) Ironically, however, if Audrey had put (4 +3 = 7) down as the working, and gave her answer as 4 she will get the mark instead of the comment Fluke! (Yes, we had to explain to her what Fluke is… okay the teacher explained that she thought it was only by chance that Audrey got it right) Oh in case you are wondering, it's because the child has understood part and whole concept… like a number bond?

Of course the protective parent in me didn't accept their explanation. (Please… I'm a Singaporean still… where can you find a singaporean who doesn't complain??) But I was very calm and told her to discuss with her level head/HOD again… (I didn't say I will resort to the press though… I mean like, does it still work nowadays???? )

And as a parent, these were my reasons:

1) In order to understand what was "left", the child understands it would be the unbroken eggs (And audrey has achieved that)

2) I asked her, if you gave a child $2 as daily allowance, and she spends $0.80 that day. Now if you had asked her, how much money does she have left, and she starts counting the remaining money in her wallet to give you the answer, should she be penalized? (Of course the teacher said no, but she said, in this case, the kids were taught that for such question to use subtraction to find the answer for left… which obviously contradicts point 6 above… that in a bit)

3) I also said if they had strictly wanted her to use subtraction, they could simply worded it as "Using a subtraction equation, find how many eggs are left." Then that would have minimize any chance of misinterpretation

4) If Audrey could come up with an easier and less careless alternative (Well it's definitely easier to add 3+1 than 7-3), why are we faulting her? Besides at national exams teachers are also taught to accept alternative answers and solutions should it make sense, why not now..

5) How come we can accept 4+3=7 (award 1 working mark for that) and give 1 mark for the answer 4? I mean if the child puts 3, and still get 1 mark for working, how is that even understanding the question? It doesn't make any sense at all right?

6) Finally, I told her, considering the above, if the school insists that she is wrong, what values are we telling the child? That because Audrey doesn't conform to the norm, she should not be rewarded? Or because she didn't meet the KPIs of the test, she is wrong? (how would a 6 year old know so much?) In short, I told her that it is not about the marks, but what message we are telling the child by marking it wrong.

See I may be a strict parent with high expectations, but I am a very protective one as well, especially when it comes to her development. If I did my part as a parent, I won't allow anyone to create a mess out of it.

To which, she told me she will discuss with her level coordinator again and get back to me… soon. This is the last week and I really hoped that they could explain to Audrey this week since it's all fresh in her mind. (So don't worry there will be another update on that)

BUT guys, before you condemn the school/teacher, or saying that it's ridiculous (come on admit it) the intention of the post was really NOT to declare war against the authority (it seems like it's a trend these days, but it's really not my cup of tea). It is also not to scare parents to see how hopeless the education system is or how the teachers should go back to NIE or try taking national exams again or whatever... (There are MANY dedicated teachers in the service who work very hard to look after a stranger's child while they can only pray that someone will look after theirs… and no… the tax you pay don't pay for their salaries because hello… they pay tax too!)

That blog entry was only humbling because it was only by taking time in the quiet moments of the night, looking from a 6 year old's point of view, and hoping to understand it better, did I realize that I had overlooked her alternative suggestion (which is not wrong!) 

Audrey wasn't misunderstood because her parent, i.e. me (this once) did it. But there's other kids who may not have been given another chance and even had their answers laughed at because, to us, it didn't make sense. 

Unfortunately, they could be your child/student. My question is, when the time comes, would you then, have celebrated his/her small successes or condemned him/her like the rest of the world?
The objective was then to say, yes they are kids and they may see things differently, but no, it may not be wrong.  

With that, I hope the essence of the entry was not lost. 

Audrey's Savings Progress for Term 1

I am one who feels uncomfortable about rolling my credit card bills to the next month but I also know it's becoming a trend at least in Singapore. With the credit card culture, many spend their money even before it is earned, and the irony is, these are people who are earning quite a substantial amount.
The sad thing is, sometimes once you start snowballing the debts, it becomes an avalanche.

At the end of last year, I happened to come across this blog entry where this parent shared how she taught her children how save with their daily allowance.
http://www.mumseword.com/2014/01/pocket-money-allowance-primary-sch/

It's amazing how one small act like that can inspire and help many other parents who wanted to teach their child how to save. I for one bought the idea and since the beginning of school I shared on my Facebook that Audrey will be doing this to teach her too how to manage her money.

I modified the mummy's idea a little and this is what I do:

Audrey gets an allowance of $2 a day.
I put 10% ($0.20) in her tithings compartment and another 10%($0.20) in her savings compartment. (I want her to know she needs to save first before she can spend and not spending everything she has and save the remainder)
Because of our monthly expenses on the kids, house, groceries etc, most (if not all) of our income becomes the expenses for the month. While I do the monthly savings from my earnings, our output is definitely more than our savings, which makes us very uncomfortable.
I don't wish the kids to live their month to month like us, given a choice, and I would rather them have such a habit from day 1. Hence, I ask her to save (in other words, "pay" herself first before spending).

The next 10% ($0.20) she puts in the donation compartment.
She is then "free" to spend the remaining $1.60. She doesn't seem to have many things in school that excite her enough to want to buy other than sushi or noodles soup… So she either spends $0.20 (on sushi) or $0.80 (on noodles).
With the remaining money, she comes home to decide whether it goes into the savings or the donations compartment.

Audrey's savings so far...

On average, Audrey donates about $2.40/week to the church's Sunday's collection. She has so far saved $30.10 (as of today), not bad considering she went to school for about 35 days (excluding public holidays and days she were on medical leave).

I got her to use her savings for the more affordable and cheaper things she needs to use. E.g. Audrey tells me her pencils are all too short and needed new pencils. I told her that since she has some savings, she could use her money to buy new pencils for herself, of which she agreed.

I wanted her to learn a few things. That while mummy and daddy can provide, she needs to be independent to learn at times she can be responsible for her own things. Maybe, if it is bought from her own money, she would appreciate more? We can only hope. Subsequently, when she knows the value of things, we will then give her the option to decide whether she wants to spend $2 on 10 pencils or on 4. That would be another lesson to be taught… later.

I have to say, with her weekly savings, Audrey looks forward to going to mass every week. She is always excited during the offertory and proudly puts her money into the bag when the wardens come round each pew. In the past, we would give each kid $10 for donation in church… But now between the two… she rather her money.

I'm sure at one point, when Audrey grows up, she will get a chance to read this blog… somehow, somewhere. And if she gets to read this entry, I hope she knows that mummy is very proud of her. :)