Tuesday, July 7, 2015

When Staying Married is anything but "common"...

Still one of my favorite pics
from our wedding...
Today D and I are 8 years old as husband and wife in the eyes of the church. I asked D what he thought the secret recipe in our marriage is, he looked at me with all seriousness and said it was him. Friends probably agree that he's probably my greatest fortune and I am his downfall… Since he's Mr Nice guy and really is adored by everyone. (Thanks guys… I'm sure if you asked him who the second messiah is, he would also say it is him)

Since the start of the blog, I have been reflecting on what I do as an impact on my kids and have hardly spend the time to reflect what I did as an impact on my spouse and I suppose the latter can't be less important than that of the former. 
While we both love each other dearly, we have our own struggles as with any typical family… Like how we would worry about the monthly expenses and the impending birth of no 4, or how we may not agree with the in laws (ok.. mostly me) while tackling it with sensitivity and respect, or how we sometimes are harsh to each other because of our words. 
The list goes on… And while we should not just wait till a special time of the year to reflect and appreciate each other like our birthdays or anniversaries, I am guilty of it.

But that's the unfortunate thing… We always forget to give our spouse the recognition that what he/she did made a difference in our lives or at least that day.
I remember one of my friends posted last year that she was delayed at work and the mr needed to wait 45 minutes for her. Out of concern, he called to check if she was okay, but she snapped at him for the call.
When she got into the car, she thought her day would end in an argument but to her surprise, the first thing he did was to lean over, kiss her and apologize (okay.. i don't know for what). The two hugged and despite a horrible day, he made it right for her. 
That post gathered over 100 likes (in my opinion it should have more… but that's not the point). And even as I re-write her post, such an act continues to put a tear in my eye...The point is, because of social media, we always tend to see things that seem to cause us to react… Anything to do with government, with the traditional view of family, with violence…. Just anything that will have two camps, we seem to follow and pay attention to it. No one seems to be keen on the "common" stuff… What's sadder is that these "common" stuff is not as common as we think. 

If I challenge any of you reading, to post for the next 7 days, on things that your spouse does that may seem ordinary, but yet makes a difference to you… Would you? 
Truth be told… Chances are you probably might… but it's probably going to be tough for you to look out for it… and because of that not post it. :) 

When D and I were preparing for our marriage, we went for a marriage preparation course which got us to write a betrothal pledge or love letter to each other. It basically is a pledge where we write to remind ourselves how to be life-giving to each other, to love the person how he needs to be loved, not how we want to. 
But it's been 8 years… And I haven't rewritten another love letter/pledge to him… and so… here goes..

Dear D,
It has been 8 wonderful years with you. Some days were easier than others but I would not have exchanged that for anything else.
And as we continue to journey as husband and wife, I would like to thank you for loving me for what seems to be a tall order. I admit putting up with me is probably not one of the easiest options you have made but thank you for doing so.
I know there are many things till now I still need to work on. 
I promise to be life-giving by considering your feelings and position whenever I can't see eye to eye with your parents. And even be more enthusiastic on family dinners and events.
I promise to be more patient and less grumpy when you ask me to do something that's out of my comfort zone even if it's for your convenience.
I promise to remember that your interests make a huge part of you and because of that I will put in the effort to enjoy and appreciate it or at least support you in it rather than putting you down for what I deem as impractical.
I promise to understand that you are trying and at times it isn't easy, and be more appreciative that you are shouldering all the pressures and stress outside so that we are able to pay the bills and a little more every month… something which I take for granted for. 
So thank you my dear, for humbling me and teaching me that someone like me also deserves to be loved.
You are truly a gift and because of you, I know God is real. :)