Saturday, October 24, 2015

The Greatest Lesson from the Littlest One...

SO since August 10, I officially am a mother of 4. After Kyra was born, I either got too busy or too lazy. I had many moments that I thought I should write about, but when I got down to it, I forgot what the moments were. (Parenthood ages a person really fast)

Precious moments with Kyra
Doing this for the fourth time, I always thought that I know what to do and would have everything under control. I did… until Kyra came out. 
One moment I would worry about Kyra pooping too much (She was pooping almost after every other meal), the next I would wonder if it was normal she didn't poop even after two days (Apparently it's normal even for 10 days). 
I had a newfound friend during that period - Google/Wikipedia. Whatever I wasn't sure about, Google seem to have the answers. (To be fair, it works better than a confinement nanny since you really don't need to talk when you don't feel like)

And while I learned a lot from Google, the most significant lesson I had learnt during these 2 months, came from the littlest one.
It's amazing how God has engineered mummies (esp) to fall in love with their child even if it's not reciprocated at day one. Whatever the child does (or doesn't need to do), the parents will acknowledge with pride. (Like honestly what can a newborn do when he/she sleeps 20hours a day?) Baby's farts smell good, poop looks good and one can even laugh when baby throws up milk on you. (Yes. Love is that blind)

Every smile or cooing made by her would always be received by a smiling, encouraging parent (aka me). She probably didn't understand or know what the big deal was, but I'm sure it made her feel happy and secure too.
It reminded me of the times when Audrey took her first step or called me mama or correctly pointed out the colors in the book when I named them. I was beaming with pride and was very generous with kinder words.

And as I look back at those moments I have with the older three, I wonder, at what age were they at when I changed from being that encouraging parent to the critical one.
Growing up in a world that can be unforgiving, I always thought that if I'm not demanding, my kids will become spoilt and be complacent.

But maybe when God gave me a baby, He also planned to teach me that while parents may mean the world to the children, it doesn't mean that we need to be as unforgiving as the one which society has become. It is never easy, but Kyra has reminded me that it really doesn't hurt to encourage with patience and correct with love.

Friday, October 23, 2015

That's Good… Enough.

When I tell people that I have four kids, one of the most common response I get is "You must really like kids". I do like them… but mostly when they sleep or when they are in my mind…
Before you judge, let me intro you my kids with the picture below...

Image taken from pinterest
It's not surprising when they become monsters (and I mean literally) these are the top phrases I use almost everyday:
1) Stop it!
2) What did I say?
3) Why did you do that?
4) What are you doing?
(And the classic…)
5) 1… 2… 3…

If words can't get to them, my hand will. Then… there's peace again. (even if it's only for 5 minutes)

Motherhood is probably the most amazing experience ever, but it may not be enjoyable. (p.s. He/she who said it was, is lying)
Try enjoying it when you are sound asleep at 3 a.m. and your child wakes you up for milk or kicks you in the face because both of you are sleeping on the same bed.
Or when you are out in public, and your kid misbehaves and later wails and throws a tantrum.. That's not fun either.
When you bring them out for dinner, and either you or your spouse take turns to eat (when they are younger) or you have to feed them first (oh they eat sososo slowly…) and after which you have to gobble down yours because they become restless waiting for you.
When you tell them to do something and they don't do it and even (dare to) say no. (Hello it's not even a choice!! What you mean "No"?!?!) Trust me, for a control freak, this is painful.
Worse when some "know-it-all" comes along and tells you what you do isn't right, it can be demoralizing. (Like thanks ah)

Honestly, I suspect God created motherhood to give women a greater chance to enter heaven, especially after what Eve did to Adam. (Picture taken from

At times, I wonder what is it that I am not doing it right when I read other mummy blogs or mummy posts on FB and see my friends enjoying motherhood and their children while I find myself struggling with it. (And I do feel guilty about not enjoying it)
It doesn't help that we get constant reminders that their time with us is limited since they grow up so fast. (Before I know it, I'll probably be a grandma..)

Judging at how many times I have to discipline them when they don't share and fight with each other (it's a lot… in a day) and the things we get to do together (It's limited, and I suspect I'm going to raise boring kids)… I don't see how I am getting this right. Maybe because they are older now and can do more things (which most likely are the wrong ones), most time spent with them would be to discipline and to correct their actions. I don't know if it is because of what they did that made me more irritable, but I just can't seem to find how people can have fun being a mother. (I know.. I have 4 kids… we are screwed)

Fortunately, there's such a thing as divine intervention. (Thank God for.. God!)
During the meet the parents session in the boys' school, the teachers commended Julian for being patient and always waiting for his friends before embarking on an activity. And for Isaac, he is always that caring brother who looks out for Julian in school, making sure he is comfortable in the new environment. (They should just stay in school the whole day I say…)

In the midst of the mistakes and struggles, something right happen.
And as I sit down that day for my daily reflection, I came to realize that maybe I was trying to be a mummy that was wayyyy too perfect. I was trying to be that laughing parent we see in ads and dramas. Not that I never laugh in my journey as a mother, but truth be told, it's probably not something that happens everyday.

Maybe I will never be that fun parent when compared to other mummies. To be honest, I won't bother with inconveniencing myself to bring them all over the island for enrichment programs. I mean I struggle to plan where to bring my kids during the holidays even!
But I do know that when my child needs me, I will still drop everything and be with him/her immediately.
Or after a disciplining session, I will be the first to offer them a hug and kiss to remind them that I still love them, just not the act.

I am a believer that God gives us the type of children who are best for us. Different mummies will have different journeys with their own kids, and even if we make a mistake, the fact that we are trying day after day… trust me, that's good… enough. :)