The Eureka Moment of teaching the Concept of "How Many More/Fewer"

And so, today's entry revisits my 'love-hate' relationship with P1 Math.

For the past month, I have been revising Math with Isaac and I found that one of the concepts that he seems to be struggling with is this concept of "How many more/fewer?"

A typical question would look like that:

Taken from one past year paper

Isaac's answer would be 2. In case you are wondering, the correct answer is 3. 

Well, if your child is gifted, your child is gifted. And this is of little or no use to you.

If your child is like mine, then you may want to read on. 

You see, throughout the last month, Isaac has been having problems getting it right. Actually, I looked back when Audrey was in P1 and she too had the same problem. It may well be a usual developmental 'kink' that most kids need to overcome, but that would not bring any form of consolation when the parent teaches this to the kid.

We sat through many other practices and he will not be able to get these type of questions right.

Trust me, I actually been through 3 different methods.

Method 1: Crossing the items from each group and asking to count what was not crossed out. 

Result: He crossed them out (though I think he didn't understand why he needed to) and still didn't help. In fact the next time when he saw a similar question, he didn't cross anything out.

Method 2 (similar to the first): Matching and partnering each object from the two groups to form an unit. 

Result: Same as the above.

Method 3: Just subtract one from the other. (Obviously, I'm getting desperate and wanted him to just get the answer) 

Result: He was not able to carry it out when he saw such a question again.

As an adult, you may not have any problems getting this. But a seven year old may. If most 7 year olds go through this like what Kathy Richardson's "How Children Learn Number Concepts" is saying, that what children is understanding from this type of question is how much is the number that has fewer, rather than how many fewer.

On a side note, I have to say that Isaac has no problem with simple subtraction. So 5-2 is manageable for him.

Now, based on Kathy Richardson, such a question could really be because of language rather than concept. 

So this is what I did. I took 5 sweets in one group and put 3 in the other. 

Step 1: Check whether the child even knows which has more. (Isaac knew… phew)

Step 2: Ask the child how many more sweets must you put in the other group to make both the same. (EUREKA… ok at least for Isaac)

Now of course if the group asks for fewer, then you may have to change the questioning a little. So…

Step 1: Check whether the child knows which has less.

Step 2: Ask the child how many sweets you must remove from the other group to make both the same.

Try it for a few more examples. But try not to give one example which has the same answer as the number of items in the group. 

So for example, Group A has 8 girls. Group B has 4 boys. How many fewer boys are there? The problem with this is you really cannot catch whether they got the concept or they were just giving you the number in the group that has the fewer items.

With that, now I explained that Math had a special language and in order to find those answers, the lingo in Math would be to ask "How many more/fewer?" (Which obviously was BS, but it doesn't matter) 

And it really doesn't because Isaac now was able to use that knowledge and answer these type of questions correctly. I found some other practice worksheets online and printed out to let him try… and he had NO problem. In fact, he was very confident and he managed to solve all within minutes.  

You can't believe how wide my smile was when I saw his answers. (To be fair, I'm not sure if I was prouder of him or myself :P) But HE was also beaming with pride. 

Regardless, let me know if you have tried this and your child had his Eureka moment too. Or better still, if you have any ways or methods you have tried and it worked, I would be really happy to learn from you! :) Otherwise, onward to P1 Math!

In my time, Mummy

Kids grow up so fast they say. (It doesn't feel that way when they misbehave or they wake you up in the middle of the night.. somehow you wish they grow up faster) But when all is calm and when you start to think back through the years, somehow, they are right. 

Isaac's graduation class photo

Even though Isaac is only six… but within that time, he's gone from crawling to running, babbling to reading and just last week, he's graduated from his kindergarten. (Yay to cheaper school fees but OMG to he's going Primary School???) 

I remembered just March last year, I actually broke down halfway through dinner with D as I felt Isaac was struggling with his learning. (In case you missed the posting, you can read it again here: http://chellelifestory.blogspot.sg/2015/03/when-tiger-mum-learns-to-just-be-mum.html) 

I was worried that he will not be able to cope in school, that he might be left behind and that he won't be able to succeed in future. (Though at that time I didn't have a benchmark or an idea as to what success would mean for a kid…) BUT because he could not remember  what was taught 5 seconds ago, or he could not recognize his alphabets then, I freaked out. It didn't help in my paranoia that at that time other kids around his age were doing much better and some friends suggested that he might need medical intervention. 

I remembered feeling helpless and just breaking down in front of D thinking that just because Isaac might not succeed, I had failed. (Mothers can be so hard on themselves)

I mean, besides smiling and charming people around him, he couldn't read and didn't talk much, besides knowing how many robots there are in transformers, he  didn't have any number sense and could not do simple addition. In short, even as a mother, I saw what he couldn't do more than celebrated what he could do. 

And while people with good intentions will tell you that exams are overrated and there's more to life than school exams, no one would be able to feel the anxiety more than the parents. (Because hello, most professionals come from the same few leading schools) At some point, I got frustrated with myself. On one hand, I really wanted them to enjoy their childhood, but on the other hand, I can't help but compare with their peers on where they stand. I found I was struggling because I didn't know what I actually valued in parenting. 

At least in Singapore, the hallmarks of the child's life are punctuated with the different exam points in their school life. The highlight for a 10 year old is the streaming exams, for a 12 year old the PSLE, the 14 year old the selection process of subjects for O levels, the 16 year old the O levels, the 18 year old the A levels etc. And so, for parents somehow, we use this benchmark to decide how we have also fared in parenthood. If the kids achieve good results, it would indirectly translate that we have done well in our parenting styles, at least in the eyes of many others.

But I personally have never been really successful in the education system. I mean, sure I didn't fall through the cracks of the system, but I didn't achieve top scores. Not many people know this but I actually got D7 for my GP in my AO levels. SO yes… I didn't have a full A levels certificate and if you did get it, you are already one up above me.

Image from auto.howstuffworks.com

But only when we take a step back, we also know that exams results don't guarantee health, happiness and love. I remembered a few months ago, Isaac read out a bible passage on the screen and I was pleasantly surprised. Even if the words weren't difficult, I cheered because he could read. There were times when he surprised me too with his logic. Like recently, while D was driving, he asked D if he could drive faster. "How much faster?" D asked. Isaac took a look at the speedometer and said "220km/hr." D laughed and explained that's not possible. "Of course it's possible papa, if not why would they put it there?" Isaac innocently asked. 

Moments when he looked out for his younger siblings or when he so willingly give up his things for them warms my heart more than what he got for his spelling tests.

I asked D what he thought success was and he told me that the moment when he can do something without worrying what other people thought of him would be the time when he is successful. (Wherever does he get his wisdom from???) I agree.

I still find myself struggling and on that account, Isaac has done way better than me. Of course he loves to be praised and complimented, but even if it looks silly, he is far more courageous to try it than me, or my 'smarter' kids.

Such things may not be recognized in a school test, but he will be fine in life. And I should learn to be too. 

Parenthood Resolutions for 2016

I had lunch with some girlfriends yesterday. Within the group, there were 2 pregnant ladies (In case you are wondering… it's not me) and 2 who were engaged. So naturally the topics we talked about mainly revolved around motherhood and marriage.

It was surreal talking to them because we are all the same age but I had the most number of kids (okay… but it's really quite hard to find someone who has the same number of kids at my age) and was married the longest. So suddenly, I was like the grandmaster in the group (My brief moment of pride :P)

That night, after putting the kids to bed, I sat and wondered what I would do differently since it was the start of the new year and before the year pass me by again, I thought, I shouldn't just let the regret build up.

1. Assure the second youngest child in the family
The kids don't sleep on their own unless the grandparents stay over. So usually, the older two sleeps with the dad while the younger two sleep with me. (Isn't it amazing that even when we don't sleep on the same bed, we still managed to have 4 kids??)

Julz holding on to my hand
during TV time...

There was a period when after Kyra was out, Julian was "forced" to learn to be independent and do what the older two do. I have to admit there was a period where he did have some insecurities and was feeling threatened by no. 4. But because I was so caught up with the newborn, I overlooked it. Just recently, I started my habit again of being beside him  just before he sleeps at night. I would just pump out my milk, pass it to the helper who will handle Kyra while I spend that few minutes with him, kissing him and talking to him for a short while before he sleeps.
On hindsight, I realized ever since I started doing that, he's been less disruptive and demanding. Just because he is a big brother to kyra, I often forget he is still only 4. Maybe it's because he's starting to act his age. Or maybe because we went back to quality time with him. Whatever it is, if spending 15 minutes a day at night would give me the chance to remind him I love him as much still, I will grab it.

2. Letting kids play with the simple things
Thanks to the move, I am forced to pack and unpack many things. It's unbelievable how just within a year, we can accumulate so many things. Amongst them… toys. Because they are the only grandchildren for both, when one gets a toy all get a toy too. (The problem is they are not sharing a toy) So for example, I have 3 lion heads because of Chinese New Year, X number of trucks, Y number of balls and the list goes on. Somehow, when we went forth to multiply, the toys also did too. (And no… we are not the ones who have been indulging them)
To be fair, they don't just love playing with play dough and lego, they really just love playing. For example, our sofa cushions contain feathers. Through the years, due to wear and tear, we get some feathers poking through the fabric and escaping. One day, both Isaac and Julian just took a loose feather each, threw it up and tried to catch it. It later progressed to them letting it go in front of the fan and catching it before it touches the ground. (I have to say that took some skill)
They spent quite some time entertaining themselves with it until it was time to bathe. I was proud that they discovered that game and was prouder to see them modifying the game. It could jolly well be a plastic bag, a tissue, cardboard box or even erasers. The amount of laughter and fun they got from it was no less than the toy they were given. The difference is one teaches them to find opportunities in ordinary things, the other just feeds their immediate impulse.

3. Take more photos
I may have a camera function in my phone, but I am really bad in taking photos of the kids. I always reckon that it really takes a lot of effort going after each kid and taking photos of all 4 kids. But I do recognize that, these growing up moments are best captured and framed in pictures. So I decided that since I do a lousy job taking pictures, I should let the kids do it for me. Hence, I probably go visit cash convertors and get three second hand cameras for the kids. D and I are planning to go Bangkok for a family trip this March (God bless us). And the kids will be allowed to take photos of the sights that excite them. We probably talk about their pictures before they sleep and save it into an album. (I just hope that they practice the value of responsibility and look after the cameras) But it may be fun… so why not? :)

4. Be more aware of my emotions when disciplining the kids
Compared to D, I am more short-fused. Unfortunately for the kids, I am also the disciplinarian. It took me 8 years and 4 kids (and age) to mellow down. Now when I am feeling frustrated with the kids, I'd always wondered how I look from the kids' perspective, or what emotions I might have manifested from the way they look and respond to me. I do worry and wonder if all they see D and I as the fun parent and the angry one.

Image from www.wsj.com

Just a few days ago, I asked Audrey whether she had any homework from school. In both times I asked, she said no. I left it alone and went ahead to do the packing of the house. My mother-in-law came and within minutes of checking, she found out that Audrey had some work to be done. I gave Audrey the death scare. I was angry at her for lying. She knew grandma was there and immediately went to her for refuge and cried. That made it worse. It didn't help that grandma was trying to come up with an excuse for her. I stood my ground, scolded her and told her to go up to my room with me. When she was finally up, she stopped crying. (What a great actress she is) I admitted to her that because of what she did, I was very upset with her then and she should quietly do her work while I cool down before I thought I could talk to her calmly. Within minutes, I felt better and was able to help her in her work. In between, she even shared about that day's school's performance. After her work is done, I had a word with her on being responsible with her work. She acknowledged she could do better and we ended the session with a hug and a kiss.

It is tough to be a poker player when it comes to your kids. But if they aren't a good enough reason to be a better person, then what is?

5. Carry them more
I've stopped carrying my first two because they are just way tooooo heavy for me. But with Kyra and Julian, I am glad that I still have the chance of lugging my koalas around. Very soon, they too with grow big and I won't be able to carry them anymore… But before that time comes, I too should really hold and hug them more in my arms.

6. Have more faith
The gospel last Sunday was about the wedding at Cana. In case, you aren't too sure what the reading is about, there was a wedding which Jesus and his mother attended. Unfortunately, the host ran out of wine and this was brought to Jesus' attention. He told the servants to then fill the jars with water. And when the servants took the water from the jars, it became wine. Better than the original wine which was served.
I'm not sure if anyone ever wondered what will happen to the servants if they had served water to the guests. The truth is, whatever they did, they acted because they had faith in Christ. (even if they didn't know he was christ, I mean that was his first miracle after all!)
It's reminders like these that I am ashamed at myself for not believing that regardless what situation, I have enough grace to go through it.

I have made my choice to work on these. I'm not sure if I will be able to succeed but at least working on it is a start. What about you? :)

When the "Tiger Mum" Learns to just be a Mum...

This week has been declared as the mourning period for LKY's death. Throughout the week, videos have provided insights  to what his family is like. (I've learnt many things watching the videos like what's "aplomb" and "jaunty" which I bet not many know either.) One of the things I am very amazed at is how his parents as well as he and his wife were able to somehow groom each child into a maverick. (How come they never write a book on that as well????)

If you have been reading my blog, you will realize that Audrey is quite an independent learner. No doubt, her academic is not my major concern as she gets her concepts fast and I find that my role when teaching her is to make sure she doesn't become complacent or arrogant. I can be harsh with her when needed and push her when she is taking things too easy. In short, she's an "angel" baby when it comes to studies.

He finally got "Ge" right after reading it
as "Yi Ren" for so many times

Isaac is her exact opposite. Don't get me wrong, it's not because he has bad attitude. (In fact, he doesn't understand why people even need to study.) Yet, when you asks him to sit beside you during revision time, he does so happily and with so much enthusiasm.
Unfortunately, Isaac is what society deems as a slow learner.

Yesterday, Audrey had netball in school and I took some time to go through his work with him. There's no denying that Isaac has been lagging severely in his studies. If there were 4 points in the instructions, he probably remembers the last and maybe the first, but he will not be able to digest everything. I can go through a new word with him 5 times, and when we revisit it 5 minutes later, he won't be able to remember what the word is. (Guess we need to revise it 10 times now…)

After sitting with him for just 40 min to do 6 pages, I decided I needed a break. I realized that if I

Two of the pages we attempted
yesterday...

continued, I may actually start to raise my voice and get impatient. I applaud him for his perseverance and told him that he was free to play his toys.

That night, the Mr and I had our own dinner. Because of what happened in the afternoon, halfway through our dinner, I broke down and cried. (The Mr obviously got uncomfortable this time… imagine you are in a restaurant, and you see a woman crying while having dinner with a partner… you will be thinking.. Confirm quarrel)

D asked what happened. I said that I felt bad because I didn't know how to help Isaac. What's worse, I fear that Isaac wouldn't be able to cope in such a system as ours. I shared that how for the next few years when he gets formal education, he's just going to fall through the cracks and suffer.. (Okay, i'm exaggerating a little here…)

D smiled, and asked me when I see Isaac, what do I see.
Amongst the three, he is my most well-behaved child. He is the kindest and gentlest. Surprisingly, while he's not the oldest, he always looks out for his siblings. Like when he and julian wake up from their nap, he will take on the responsibility of changing Julian (and him) out of pampers and help him with his underwear and shorts, before switching off the fan/air-con and bringing him down. (No one told him to do so…)
He is the most giving. Sometimes, we leave our stuff upstairs in our room, and when we asked him to help us to bring it down, even if he was in the middle of something, he has no hesitation doing it for us. (Though he will ask sheepishly why are we so lazy)
He's also the most charming amongst the three. I remember we were in a birthday party when two girls were fighting to play with him. One even cried when the other girl managed to hold his arm. (That was awkward… to see your son being so "hot")

But yes, that is Isaac - the happy-go-lucky, innocent, child-like kid.
If not by me, if not once, academics can always be taught. But these virtues… it's a gift. How do you teach a 5 year old to be charming, to be giving and to be kind?
The toughest part was to accept that the world/system might be unkind to him… of course, I could be the system and force him to adapt in it… but he won't be happy and what good will come out of it?
On the other hand, I could just congratulate for remembering that word we tried to learn for the past 30 min.. and know that he is happy, secure and enjoy life.

He's my child. And I his mother.  And while it is tough for me to not be sucked into the system, my promise to him is that he matters more to me than that. I have to remember that he is here to live God's plan, not mine.
Will he be successful? I don't know. Will he be loved? I am sure. :)