Monday, May 25, 2015

A Parent's View on Parenting

It's been some time since I last blogged. Truth be told, besides being busy and all, I really didn't know what to blog about. I had some people messaging me asking me if all was fine… and don't worry, I'm alive, still pregnant and married. The kids are still alive… :)

SO, I was having dinner last night with some friends. While mostly were parents, there was a non-parent amongst us and because I was sitting beside her, I spent most time chatting with her. Conversations with her made me reflect what I was like in the past…(Honestly, if I were to chat with my old self now, I probably think I would slap myself. )

Here's what I used to think before the kids came…

1) Seeing a child making a ruckus in a shop… I told myself if that's my kid, I would slap him/her
Yes.. Cardinal sin #1. We always think we are a better parent when we aren't the parent. If a child misbehaves in public it's because THAT parent was a softie and had been spoiling the child… after all they are just kids, how difficult can it be to discipline them. If anything, just a slap should shut the kid. 
When my kids came, I cannot understand how they are angels with me alone but in front of family and friends, they know how it you are more compelled to give in to them. *rolls eyes* 
Audrey has had many times when she challenged me in front of her beloved grandparents (Oh… how i hate that) and how childless couples commented that they would handle it better than me (Oh.. how I hate that even more). 
These comments don't help the situation. They won't make you a better parent. It only increases your self-doubt and make you feel worse. Stay calm, it will be over… soon.
(That said, if you are guilty of making such comments… remember this… Karma.)

2) I would be my child's best friend… 
Hmm… I'd learnt that my children will have their own friends and best friends. My role is firstly his/her parent. That's usually not the popular role. In 10-20 years time, I'd probably be snooping (by chance of course) their Facebook (if it's still popular then) or whatever account to see what is happening in their lives. But my role is to equip them with (enough) life skills to let them lead a meaningful life and know that should anything happen, they will always have their family around. 
But yes, I was naive to think it might be possible to be their best friend… it possibly might, but hmm… I'm fine being my husband's best friend. 

3) My parenting style would be different from my parents…
There was something that was different… I didn't use canes/hangers/rulers or whatever to discipline my children. But otherwise, essentially, every parent tries their best given whatever circumstances they faced and that is what I cannot deny. Growing up, I have to say that I took the hardships my parents went through for granted. I grew up thinking that they didn't understand what I was going through… and the rules and restrictions set by them stifled my growth. Well, that's debatable but thanks to that, I have held on to certain values and growing up, I was guided by these virtues than the ones from society (which is practically.. none).
There's always a reason why people say that they appreciate their parents after being one themselves… 

4) I would love my kids more than my husband…
Okay… I love my kids… They are essentially my pride and joy. But I love D much more too. I mean… I really can imagine growing old with him (I can't imagine supporting my kids till I die though…) My kids make me laugh because they are funny, cute and adorable (very objectively speaking…) but D makes me laugh even in a very lousy and shitty day. In fact, I think I enjoyed parenthood because I enjoy my marriage… 
But of course, not many people would agree with me on this point. In fact, most would say impossible… but I guess, one day, my kids will grow up and have their own lives… and it will just be D and me… and I guess I will be a happy old lady… 

5) I won't be able to cope with more than 2 kids…
I wanted to make use of my masters, excel in my career, be a hands-on mother etc. But when kids came, the career portion obviously didn't happen. The mother bit was always a bit unbalanced. I mean like I felt I had exposed Audrey to more things than Isaac. I was mostly guilty. Then of course Julian came and hmm.. career was definitely not happening… BUT I learn to be less hard on myself. I just tried my best and it's enough. What each child got may not be 'equal' but they really didn't know it was not 'equal'. The best thing is… the kids are happy regardless. And that's what matters. OH! And the kids really will sense that you are trying, and in their small ways, they will help to either ease that burden, look after the younger ones or at least themselves… and just make you a happy parent.
So as I always say… Have more kids… it makes you a better person and parent. :)
(BUT if having more than one will also give you a panic attack and cause you to be suicidal, then just have 1)

So yes… here's my view on parenting… it may be different from many of yours… But i'm sure there's some that will speak to you as well… Hopefully for the better. :) 

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