Thursday, June 30, 2016

Peter the Rock

Today is my first born's birthday. It's been 8 years since we embarked on this journey of parenthood. Nothing what school has taught or prepared us for, but just what we remembered from growing up with our parents.

Special birthday blessing
from Fr. Arro
Surely being parents to four kids we would have tons of advice and experiences to share. But truth of the matter is, while we might cope better with a kid than we did 8 years ago, we still continue to struggle. I always tell others that it's not that we know what to expect even with four kids, but our expectations are just lowered. In the past, I remember we would sign Audrey to classes like gym and Julia Gabriel Chinese classes, and with no 2,3, and 4, we were like "don't be silly". Now we are just glad that they could eat, sleep, breathe and poo. (Told you our expectations dropped)

Truth be told, I have no idea how we managed to survive the past 8 years with 4 kids and come out alive (I mean them not us). Throughout this time, I had moments when I had been careless with my words and actions. No they were not abused, but I know their spirits had been crushed as well. Like how I would raise my voice at Audrey when we were going through her work because she doesn't get the concept or worse forgotten about it. Fortunately, kids are equipped with forgiveness, and soon, other moments of tenderness replace that moment of doubt. 

I have had moments when I had to look out for the younger child and miss out on the growing up of the older or more independent ones which soon became a habit and after awhile they grow up so fast and they don't need me anymore or maybe prefer the helper or daddy or grandma to me. 

I have had moments of being frustrated of not knowing what to do with a tantrum throwing kid (which usually happens when you are rushing for time). If the day is good, I would let them continue to wail and make a fool out of themselves until they get tired and know that there's no way things will change. But on a bad day, I was either left with smacking the child or leaving the house and let them cry until they get tired. 

Oh! Not forgeting the moments when I got caught up and stressed by the other kids' progression compared with mine and realizing they are slower than their peers, which in turn makes me worried and stressed and suddenly I become so paranoid with their education and that makes me the not-so-fun parent.

Honestly, just because I had listed them down doesn't mean I have overcome them. With everyday I still struggle with my decisions and my parenting choices. Even with four kids, I go through the same battles as those with one… worse. I may have failed 4 times over and maybe I will never learn for some things. (That sucks)

But through these 8 years, I draw comfort from Peter. When Jesus changed Simon's name to Peter, it was not because he was as solid as a rock then. He was possibly one who was really quite a "failure". (I mean, he was the only one who asked to walk on water and yet when he was given the chance he got scared and fumbled. And he was so confident that even when Jesus who obviously knew what was going to happen said that he was going to deny him three times, he said otherwise) But God saw what we don't see. He saw the future value of Peter and not his current shortcomings. 

Being a mother of four, I have to admit, I don't have all the answers and even if I do, those answers may not be perfect or right. The only consolation I have is, Christ is always here. And it's probably the best consolation I need. :) 

Image from