I agreed with the teacher. I flipped through the papers in front of her to see what her mistakes were. They were mainly careless mistakes which could be avoided if she had put in greater effort while doing her test.
I told her immediately I was not happy with the results. I told her it's a shame that she got this grade because of her carelessness. (I'm not sure which is worse… to do badly because of carelessness or because they are clueless) From all my posts, I am sure you will know that I am not a person who will lower my expectations because she is my daughter. In fact, by doing so, I think she would only learn to expect second best for herself… from her work, life and even her future partner.
After the (mild) scolding, I told her to go and sleep after saying goodnight and apologizing for her poor performance. While putting the youngest to bed, my dear girl went under her blanket and was completely quiet. I knew immediately she was in tears. (Well… that's what I do when I don't want anyone to know I'm crying…. and… she IS my daughter after all) I waited for her to calm down, pulled the blanket aside, with both my hands on her face, I looked straight into her eyes and told her I love her no matter what the score was. She was still someone I was proud of and with her ability, she deserved to do better. She teared a little and with a kiss, she went back to bed.
This whole episode made me reflect on whether I had passed the test as a parent myself.
I wanted to see how other parents coped with this and I tried to google on articles or sharing about parents who have discussed the times when their kids didn't perform as well as expected. Hmm.. interestingly while there are tons of articles talking about behavior, hardly any site talked about this.
D had dinner with some friends last night and when he came back, I showed him the papers.
Unlike me, he tends to be the more relaxed parent. Not that he has low expectations of the kids, he just didn't think it was something we should sweat about. Unlike me too, he looked at the paper as a whole, not at the mistakes Audrey made. Laughed and said okay. (Really so difficult to say more than one word????)
When the kids slept and all was quiet… I looked through the paper again. This time at the small successes that I may have overlooked earlier. Audrey got her concept of addition (2 and 3 numbers) right… She understood how to form sentences with the words in different order… She wrote neatly… She completed her paper in the given time. :)
I looked for the things that I should look at as a parent, not a teacher… And then I saw this….
There's this question that she got wrong. The question asked how many eggs are left. I'm sure many of you, just like me, at first glance, not understand what she was thinking about. There's 7 eggs, 3 broke, why on earth should she put 3 + 1 = 4?
She didn't get the right answer because of "fluke". She got it because she saw the solution differently. She took the 3 eggs from the left and added to the 1 egg on the right to give the answer. Like what I mentioned in the email to the teacher, the standard way of marking didn't make room for a different way of solving the question. (Aren't you amazed how kids can surprise you at times?)
I'm fine if the teacher not reconsider accepting her way of solving the question… but I did mention to the teacher to be less ambiguous with the question should they not be ready to accept a different style of answering.
Audrey has 'humbled' the teacher in me. While it doesn't discount the other careless mistakes she made, it does feel good to be proven wrong by her. :) (Okay… maybe if Ms. Smart Alec keeps doing it, it may not feel that good..)
When she came back from school today, I told her I appreciated her for seeing things from another point of view (I mean isn't this what we are encouraging nowadays) and that I actually learnt something new from her. She just smiled and continued doing her work assigned to her today. :)
With deeper reflection, I never asked her how she felt about getting such results. While I felt it was not good enough and I was very clear in showing my displeasure, she may have thought otherwise. Her feeling good at getting 15/20 is not a bad thing. In fact, just because she felt good getting 15/20, it doesn't mean she won't want to get a better score. So, while she got 15/20 for her test, I failed for mine.
That's the thing about Parenthood… Just like life and love, it's a mystery. It doesn't come with any manuals (since each child is different).. We can only pray that we don't screw up too much. I thank God that He has given kids an amazing ability to overlook the shortcomings of their parents no matter what… Isn't that after all His message to us too? :)
Sounds like you have a great little girl there. =)
ReplyDeleteHahah.. Thanks... Yes.. She's a gift.. No doubt. :)
ReplyDeleteDear all… If you are keen to read an update… check out this post… http://chellelifestory.blogspot.sg/2015/03/everyones-favourite-topic-eggs-update.html :)
ReplyDeleteDifferent method,same result:)
ReplyDeleteHaha yes... But the essence of it was... I didn't appreciate it because I didn't try to understand it... That was my bad.. :)
DeleteIf she is my student, I will mark her correct, and will stand by her side if anyone insist it is wrong. Tell her ... she is better than best ... she is awesome. She is already better than the one who marked it wrong.
ReplyDeleteAww.. thank you! That was very kind of you… Let's hope the school reconsiders that… :) But… from the other updated posting.. so far it's not the case… That said… your comment was truly appreciated.. it made me teared… :) So… thank you!
DeleteOops. I see 7 eggs in the picture still. Just that 3 are broken. The shell, egg yolk and egg white are all still there.
ReplyDeleteYes you are not the only one... There are 7 eggs.. Broken or not... Still eggs...
DeleteI totally agree. The question was not clear. It should be 'there are 7 eggs, 3 broke. How many are left?'
DeleteHaha… but even with your way of questioning, anonymous would still answer as 7… Because an egg, whether broken or not, remains an egg. :)
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ReplyDeleteshowing displeasure over 15/20. you may be the root cause of your kid's carelessness.
ReplyDeleteI thought about your comment. I showed displeasure in her carelessness not her grades. Whether she got 15/20 or 5/20.. If the mistakes were because of carelessness it would still garnered the same response. However, I shared in the entry that I overlooked how she felt getting 15/20.. from now on, would I still tell her I am unhappy abt her making 5 careless mistakes, of course. But I will first see what she had achieved in the test and how she felt about her grades before even talking abt the mistakes made.
DeleteI'm blessed by your humility and honesty as a parent who is learning. Thank you for sharing so openly. I know Audrey is in good hands with such a humble parent who examines her own parenting and is able to apologise for her mistakes. :) you're an awesome mummy!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your words of encouragement, my dear. I really appreciate it. I am just grateful for the chance of being her parent.. :) Hope to have you as a frequent reader!
DeleteI think you have to give your daughter credit for understanding the problem. In the real world, when you want to find out how many eggs are left after some have broken, you count the ones that are left immediately, not, as suggested by the answer scheme, how many you originally have and then subtract those that are broken - which is like touching your right ear with your left hand. If the mistake does not teach a person a lesson in real life, it is not a mistake at all. It is not at all your daughter's fault for having the most logical mode of thinking. Of course she cried. I would have.
ReplyDeleteI think as a parent, you should recognise the genius in your children that the education system fails to recognise and encourage them. I grew up having parents who scolded me for not meeting their expectations in examinations. Now, thanks to them, I have high expectations for myself; I learn to set my own targets. However, I have always found trouble confiding in them emotionally because I feel they never saw the ingenious part in me and I always feel under-appreciated by them. I simply don't think they understand me. Your daughter crying alone in the room is the spark of such a psychology. I used to do that a lot. You might think that its all good for them now but their not trusting you emotionally may be your trade off in 10 years' time. In other words, you may have a highly successful kid who barely talks to you about anything that's happening in their lives. I'm not sure if that is really what you want... Nevertheless, I really appreciated your self-reflection and I wish you all the best in educating your 3 children in the years to come!
DeleteDear Anonymous, thanks for writing your feedback and taking time to read the blog. I don't think my parenting style is perfect. However, by sharing this incident and what I learnt from this incident, i hope parents would appreciate the take home lesson from it. :) Again, many may not have agreed with what I did, some may think otherwise, or I might have just been relating something that has been happening for ages, but no one realize it until now. I do give her credit and I do tell her I was sorry and appreciated her other solution (check out the newer posts on it). I stood corrected, I agreed and I accepted. That's why I went on to talk to her school about it. That said, everyday, spending that 2 hrs with my girl sitting down doing work helps us discuss on other things as well besides eggs. :) Thanks for the well-wishes and I do hope this won't be the last post you would be reading from my blog. :)
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Delete"I looked for the things that I should look at as a parent, not a teacher", I have to disagree with this statement. I am a teacher, and throughout my years of teaching, I have never scolded my pupils after any examinations. My rationale is simple, some kids are feeling bad enough knowing that they have not done well for their papers and I can foresee the lectures (or further humiliation) that they will be facing when they show the papers to their parents. So I do not see the point in adding to their misery. I tend to celebrate small successes, but we have to be mindful not to lower their drive in achieving greater success by acknowledging grades that do not reflect their potential. So it is important to spend time going through their work and be specific in our compliments. As for the mistakes made, it requires patience to understand their thinking process and help them understand and correct them. From your post, I would like to thank you for being such supportive and concerned parents. It is heart-warming to know the effort that you put in to coach your kids. Sometimes it is just human nature to use quantitative results as a measurement of success, but overly focus on academic success will compromise other aspects of learning and kids emotional well-being.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, your daughter's answer is perfectly fine. If the school is not keen to accept alternative solutions, they should have fixed the operation.
Have a good holiday.
Hi Anonymous, I'm glad that your students have a nurturing teacher like you. I was a teacher and I tend to look out for the errors rather than the correct answers. But that's just me as a tendency as a teacher… It's like saying "men are jerks" but of course, it doesn't mean all men are really one. That said, if you have the time to read the later posts on the updates of this episode, the school has in the end accepted the answer. :) Thanks for your encouragement regardless and hope we can continue to inspire the children who we meet along our way. :)
DeleteThis was quite an eye-opening read for me, though I'm afraid not in a pleasant way. It left a sour feeling in me, and I feel as if such actions would lead to an undesirable parent-child relationship, in a general sense, or breed an undesirable mentality developed by the child as she matures. Now, of course they say there’s no single ‘right’ way to bring up a child, but do I feel that you really could have thought through things a little before saying such harsh words. I do notice that in the end you realised that you admitted to be at fault and apologized, but the damage has nonetheless been done. It’s a bit like somebody giving you a cut on your finger and then hastily putting a band-aid on it—it still hurts underneath.
ReplyDeleteIn short, I doubt I would adopt this sort of parenting style for my children, and would instead turn more to positive reinforcement methods. In fact, I'm a little surprised to be have met someone that does so in this day and age, and thus, the eye-opener. Thank you for sharing this.
>>(I'm not sure which is worse… to do badly because of carelessness or because they are clueless)
Well, it is most certainly worse to do badly because of cluelessness, because cluelessness implies problems with the method of thinking, whilst carelessness does not. One takes more effort to rectify than the other, they both amount to the same marks given in a test. You, as a teacher of all people, should be aware of this.
Dear Anonymous, thank you for sharing with me your thoughts, even if they aren't pleasant. I don't expect everyone to leave a positive note or provide encouragement. That said, this sharing wasn't as well to gather affirmation of what I was doing as a parent was right/wrong. All i intended to do for this sharing is to provide an instance where we have overlooked our child. While you may be the fortunate few who have figured things out from day 1… not many people have that idea or role model to follow. If they found it useful and helpful, it has already helped a learning parent, me included.
DeleteThat said. I asked which is worse because while i know one is ability, the other is essentially attitude. Which is harder to unlearn, unless there's a desire to do so. And my experience as a teacher has shown me enough when society is more forgiving to people with different ability rather than bad attitude.
To conclude, just because i choose to highlight this incident doesn't mean there aren't times when I laugh and play and have tender moments with her…. :)
Enjoy your week ahead.. :)
Hi, can I ask for your permission to reproduce this post on our education portal http://www.domainofexperts.com? Explicit mention shall be made of the fact it first appeared on your site, and we shall cite Michelle as the author. Hope to hear from you again :)
ReplyDeleteHI there! Thank you for reading the entry.. and I'm grateful that you actually asked for my permission to reproduce this. May I ask that should you post it, you show me your comment along with the post as I don't wish my kid or her school to bear any negative consequence? hope you understand. We may discuss further via email... mngern@gmail.com :)
DeleteNice post! 3+1=4 is perfectly acceptable to me!
ReplyDeleteI guess this is what happens when the answer scheme is followed too rigidly.
Keep up the good work, and as a Math tutor, I would have to say that 15/20 is a perfectly respectable and fine score.
God bless.
Thanks for reading. The school had finally accepted her working. :)
DeleteThe test wasn't used for any collation of any score and 15/20 is a fine score. As a parent, for me, sometimes you just know your child can do better, especially when it is a mistake resulted from carelessness. That said, the blog has captured you enough to sustain your interest as a regular reader. :)
Thanks! 5000+ views a day for your blog is very impressive, and not easy to achieve. Congratulations!
DeleteI have written a short guide on how to avoid Careless Mistakes at: http://mathtuition88.com/2013/05/05/how-to-avoid-careless-mistakes-for-maths/
Some tips are psychological in nature, like when faced with a 5 mark question, if students get the answer in one or two steps (happens really often), something may not be right. Also, neat and tidy handwriting is a major factor all the way from Primary level to JC. Hope it helps!
I also have a free Math newsletter (http://mathtuition88.com/free-newsletter/) which you are welcome to subscribe to. Thanks!